Never give up
by ines.sangarinos
Summary: Shepard wants to land on abandoned planet. What can go wrong? Miranda has a weird feeling that everything can... How would the simple trip end? Rating may change later.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine. Maybe except stupid ideas. Everything else is Bioware's :)**

**A/N: Jay357, thank you soooo much for your time which you spent on correcting all my mistakes! Love you for that ;)  
Everything here happens after Miranda's loyalty mission. That's all you need to know :)**

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"Shepard, just get it already! It is not a good idea to go there alone. Especially in your case."

She sighed heavily and turned to face the angry flashes in the light blue eyes. As soon as she had stated that she wanted to visit the place of the first Normandy's crash, Lawson just hadn't given up on her. Of course she appreciated her concern – ignoring the fact that Miranda would surely go into a rage mode if she heard something like that (after all, things like "concern" probably didn't even exist in her dictionary) – and in some way she even felt excitement at the thought that the Ice Queen could be worried about her. But still, it was slowly getting tiresome. For all of three days she had been forced to repeat that she wouldn't change her mind. Despite explaining to Miranda that it was in some way the place of her death and that she would really like to find out if this place had any influence on her. She had told Lawson that this was the place where some of her crew had died and she needed to pay tribute to them; she had repeatedly said that they had already scanned the whole planet for a hundred times and there had been nothing, dead or alive, that could attack her, but every single word just bounced off Miranda as it would from a wall. She could say anything but Miranda still stubbornly claimed that it was too dangerous.

"Lawson, how many times do I have to say this? Everything will be all right", Shepard said slowly.

She rolled her eyes when she heard the snort that was the only answer. She sighed again and came up to the dark-haired woman to grab her shoulders and shake her a bit.

"Normandy to Lawson! Let me remind you that we'll still be in touch!"

"There is no need to yell at me!", Miranda snapped at her, taking a step back.

"Looks like there is, if you don't get what I'm saying", said Shepard. "Come on, Lawson, we both know that once I'm down there, you'll be sitting here somewhere, guarding me with your life, almost getting a heart attack if I just scratch so much as my finger."

"I'm no..."

"Shut up, Lawson, it's my turn to talk", Alex cut in. She took her gloves and breather helmet, checking for the tenth time if all ducts were in working order. She really didn't want to find herself in the same place again; without oxygen. So she needed to make sure that would not happen. When she finished, she again glanced at Miranda, who looked like the personification of fury. "I am sure that I'm in no danger while having all of you as my backup. Not to mention that there's no one on that planet. I don't think that anyone would be stupid enough to attack Normandy, knowing that I'm in charge. That's one thing. Besides, I bet I can't even yawn without you knowing that, so I really don't understand what the problem is."

They were glaring at each other for almost a minute. Shepard was quite surprised that the sparks coming out of blue eyes didn't set a fire.

"Great", Miranda finally hissed. "Go wherever you want, but do not wait for my help when you need someone to get your foolish arse out of trouble."

Shepard sighed heavily, hanging her head. She wanted to grab her again and shake her stronger, until all the idiotic thoughts fell out of this perfect but stubborn head. Instead, she just clenched her fists and frowned at Miranda's back when she turned to leave. Her steps resounded through the room like the stroke of a hammer.

"Miranda", Alex called when the door opened. Lawson didn't even slow down. "Mir..."

Before she could finish, the brunette disappeared behind the closed door. She swore under her breath. Full of resignation, she threw her helmet on the bed and sat down, covering her face with her hands. She knew exactly, that Miranda's words hadn't been said in ernest and that she could still rely on her. But she didn't want to give her a reason to be even angrier. It wasn't that she was demanding something impossible. She just wanted to be alone for a while, to face her brutal past, confront the present and just see what the future could hold for her. There still were these moment when she was full of doubts and wasn't sure whether she was just dreaming and everything around her wasn't real. She had to convince herself that it was real, that her ship actually crushed. Only then would she find peace. So she would again be able to show the Collectors what she thinks about them attacking human colonies and destroying their property.

* * *

She hit the elevator's wall with a thud and hissed quietly when she felt pain in her whole arm. She had to leave, because if she had stayed only a little bit longer she would definitely have tried to hammer the stubbornness out of Shepard's head with her bare hands. Was it really a problem to take someone with her?! Indeed, she would prefer to go with Shepard herself, just to make sure that everything would be all right, but how could she could explain that need? Admit that she just had a bad feeling? Feelings were not reliable, so they couldn't be used as proof. But she couldn't just do nothing about it. For three days she had felt an unpleasant pressure at the base of her skull and she did have this hunch that something bad would happen. Maybe it was just pure fiction created by her mind, but she could swear she felt the breath of death on the back of her neck.

She rubbed her forehead when the elevator stopped and the door opened with a hiss. Without a single word she crossed the CIC, and not even looking at the galaxy map and she headed right towards the bridge. She nodded to Joker, who looked at her with surprise and then she sat down in the co-pilot's chair. Of course the co-pilot was completely expendable while having both Joker and EDI on board, but apparently Cerberus always wanted to be prepared for all possibilities.

She took the headphones and started reading reports about the planet where Normandy's wreck had been found. There were no warnings, but it wasn't enough to decrease her anxiety. She couldn't explain it, but she felt like something was amiss. She was almost sure that there was an enemy somewhere who was able to mislead Normandy's radars. Of course it was impossible, but still, she was worried. It wasn't that she was worried about Shepard – just the opposite, she was sure that of all people, Shepard could take care of herself. It was simply her duty to be careful not to let the Commander do anything stupid. Besides, she didn't want to discover that the ship's radars were not as good as planned. After all, it was designed to be a scout, and who needed a frigate which couldn't find an enemy in time? That is why she was so aware of these bad feelings. She wanted to send someone with Shepard, just to be sure that nothing would happen while the Commander was lost in her memories. There was no reason to be worried about Shepard. It didn't make sense to be worried about a woman who was able to save the galaxy from a rebellious Spectre, destroy a Reaper ship, win a fight against the Collectors and survive her own death. Well, maybe the last one was not her achievement.

Miranda cursed in her mind and hit the panel with her fist. She was aware that she was just trying to find an excuse for her own behaviour. Hell, yes, she was worried about Shepard. Anyone in her place would be. It was her duty, since she was the one responsible for the Lazarus Project. The problem was that sometimes she felt like the duties were fading into the background. Like the emotions were trying to get through that thick wall which she had built to keep them away. She had been compelled to do that, so she could focus on her tasks. Although she had been forced to do so, she didn't regret it. Emotions were a burden when it came to work. If she wanted to do her best, she would have to cut herself off from other people. Yes, she had always been alone, but it hadn't bothered her. She hadn't depended on anyone, hadn't been afraid of being hurt, hadn't been forced to show her feelings or weaknesses. Apart from Niket she had never had any friends. Until she had started working on the Lazarus Project. She wasn't sure whether she could call Shepard a friend, but she couldn't find another way to describe their relationship. That damn woman had managed to make Miranda believe in trust in some crazy way. She was aware of the fact that she was slowly opening up towards Shepard. She had told her about her father, about Oriana, hell, she had even asked for help, almost inviting her to wade into Miranda's private life.

"_Are you mad at me?_", asked a voice over the headphones

_Of course, damn it!_, she thought but didn't say it out aloud. Even without yelling, she could feel Joker's suspicious gaze.

"The shuttle will be ready to leave in two minutes, Commander", Miranda said in a cold voice, her eyes not leaving the screens.

She heard a heavy sigh and she had to correct her thoughts. She wasn't mad at Shepard. She was just furious.

"_Miranda, look, it's not that I don't want your help..._"

"Alchera's gravity is smaller than the one on Earth, so you should not have any problems moving around", Miranda cut in without second thought. "I only advice you against running. The planet's surface is covered with a thick layer of snow."

"_I just wanted to say…_", Shepard tried again but Miranda didn't want to hear even one more word.

"I also do not recommend going deep into the wreck. Normandy's construction is weak and the ceiling does not need a lot to come falling on your head."

"_Can I just sa…_"

"No. I suggest you calm down and focus on the mission, Commander. The shuttle will start in three, two, one…"

There was a quiet hiss in the headphones as soon as she pushed the right button on the panel.

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_A/N: Thanks for reading the first chapter. I hope you like it and wanna give me some nice review ;) Every author loves review. They encourage authors to write more and faster ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, okay, it took some time and I'm affraid that this chapter is kinda short but I can promise that the next one will be longer. I was trying to focus on Shepard's and Miranda's thoughts instead of action and I hope that you don't mind.**

**A huge THANK YOU towards Jay who got headache while beta-reading this chapter! Again, Jay, sorry for my not-making-any-sense sentences xD**

**AND thank you for the reviews! I really, really appeciate your support!**

**I think that's all I have to say. Again, almost everything is Bioware's, I'm just having a bit of fun ;) Enjoy!**

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For a few long minutes she just sat in the shuttle. It was difficult to decide whether she should go down there and face the past or maybe just go back to the Normandy and act like nothing had happened. Miranda's silence and her previous cold voice didn't help at all. She really didn't want to make her XO angry, but neither did she want to be seen by anyone. She hated the thought that someone could see her weakness, her doubts, her hesitation. Especially Miranda. Drumming her fingers on the chair, she thought about how life would be like if there hadn't been the crash two years ago. No doubt she would still be in the Alliance fighting against Cerberus as it used to be. No one would have spent a fortune to resurrect her and she would still be facing the geth instead of the real threat – the Collectors. The Lazarus Project would have never started and… she wouldn't have met Miranda. What a paradox, she had needed to die to meet the only person who was acting like none of Shepard's achievements, titles, or her reputation even mattered. Of all people, Miranda Lawson was the only one who didn't treat her like a hero right from the beginning. To be honest, she had never met such an impudent person. Normally she would have punished her for such behaviour long ago, but Shepard just couldn't do it. Maybe it was crazy, but she enjoyed the moments when Miranda was furious and started doubting her Commander's intelligence. Sometimes Shepard would act childish, just to see her reaction and be told that she should be locked in a room without handles. But teasing her XO wasn't her favourite occupation. There had been a night which had completely changed her opinion about Miss Lawson. Shepard had been drunk that night, and she had felt the urge to burst into her XO's cabin – she still didn't remember at all why she had had such an idea, but oh well – and there had been something which made her freeze right when she passed the threshold. There'd been a smile on Miranda's face. Simple, honest and simply a wonderful smile. After that night, Shepard started sneaking into Lawson's cabin in the middle of the night – especially when she couldn't sleep – just to sit on the couch and look at the beautiful woman. During the day, there were only a few emotions that could be seen on Miranda's face; annoyance, boredom, dissatisfaction. But when she was sleeping, there were all the feelings in the world, from happiness to sadness. Shepard found looking at her features, which were changing depending on the dream, fascinating. Those night escapades helped her believe that Miranda was still a human, not a cyborg programmed to carry out commands.

_"Shepard, if you don't move, we'll still be here after the planet's made a full turn."_

Miranda's annoyed voice shook her out of her reflection. She smiled sadly, listening to the words echoing in her head. Miranda had an extremely gorgeous voice. Shepard could just sit and listen to whatever she was saying for hours. She loved that Australian accent and regretted that most of the time it brought coldness. There had been one, only one situation when that voice had changed under the influence of emotions. It had been when they were rescuing Oriana. Shepard had been bewitched then.

"I had to prepare mentally", she said finally, almost feeling Miranda's impatience.

Shepard got up from her chair and put all thoughts aside. She slowly approached the doors and stopped right in from of them. She didn't know if she still wanted to see that wreck. She was afraid that is was beyond her strength. After all it's not common to see the place of your own death. To cheer herself up, she evoked one memory; the one in which Miranda had an impish smile on her face. Shepard felt a smile appearing on her own face. She spent a lot of hours wondering what Lawson could have been dreaming of then. Of course she couldn't just go and ask, even if it was bothering her.

_"Shepard, if you want to open the doors, you should use this big, red button to your left. They won't open if you just look at them."_

"I know", she muttered. Every single being had its virtues and vices. Miranda was no exception. While irritated she was really... well, irritating. "I'm not stupid."

_"So you keep saying."_

Shepard froze with her hand on the button. Her jaw dropped in surprise, but she clenched her teeth in a flash. She felt her fingers bending of their own accord, forming fists.

"What does that mean?!"

_"Apart from the fact that your brilliant ideas were on a retarded krogan level?"_

She refrained from hitting the wall with her fist. Not even bothering to answer she pushed the button with enough force to press it down into the wall. The door opened with a hiss deafening Miranda's quiet laugh.

* * *

She smirked. Even an idiot would notice that Shepard, of all people, was getting irritated extremely quickly. When someone dared doubting her abilities, angry sparkles appeared in her green eyes. Miranda noticed that completely by accident. Before they had even left the Cerberus' base together, Shepard had already driven her mad. No matter how much she tried, she answered arrogantly every single time. The people accompanying them had looked at Miranda with fear in their eyes, but Shepard had just started arguing with her, and after each and every stinging remark, the Commander had become more and more annoyed. Miranda had to admit that she had derived pleasure from that argument. And she was surprised to find out that almost no one else dared teasing Shepard.

She grew serious again when she heard the wind's howl and Shepard's heavy sigh. The anger was back and Miranda narrowed her eyes, trying to focus on the screens in front of her. She knew she had to concentrate to notice every single change in a flash. However, deep down inside, she wanted to be with Shepard right now, to be able to have an eye on her and even comfort her if that was what she needed.

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_A/N: Did I mention how I loooove reading reviews? ^^_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yeah, it took some time and I'm sorry about that. I wanted to finish this chapter earlier but you know how it is ;) Anyway, I've already told that but I'd like to say 'Thank you!' to Jay, who was so kind to take her time and face my foolish mistakes ;) Thanks to her you are able to understand my not-making-any-sense sentences! ;D Enjoy! **

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She sadly looked around and closed her eyes with another sigh. She tried to gulp, but she had a lump in her throat. Breathing became difficult. She had to crouch and lower her head to overcome nausea. As she expected, she was overwhelmed by the awareness that here was the place of her death. This was a place where her ship had crashed. Where her crew had died. Yet she was alive. It was bothering her that Cerberus thought that she was the only one worth resurrecting. Of course she was aware that no one could afford bringing back the whole crew . But still she held a grudge against The Illusive Man.

_"Shepard, are you alright?"_, she suddenly heard Miranda's worried voice. _"Your pulse has quickened dangerously."_

She opened her eyes and immediately recognised an annoying thudding in her ears. Her heart was beating so hard as if it wanted to break her ribs and run away from her chest. She forced herself to take a deep breath.

"I'm okay. I was just... Never mind, I'm okay", Shepard answered quietly. She didn't know how she could explain how she felt. How strong the influence was, that this place had on her.

She carefully stood up holding her head. She wished she didn't have to to wear the helmet. Dull pain was torturing her skull almost begging her to rub her temples. She took another deep breath and looked around more carefully. Tears appeared in her eyes when she saw all the pieces which used to be her ship. She blinked and forced herself to take a few steps. Soft snow was crunching with every step; and snowflakes falling around were limiting visibility. However, it was impossible to hide the giant parts of the frigate emerging from the mist. Shepard's mind was blank as she looked around. She felt a horrible pain in her chest and she almost had to force herself to breathe.

She stopped immediately when something caught her attention. A silver chain was sticking out of the snow. She crouched slowly and brushed the white powder aside. The strong light from the shuttle twinkled on the metal plate's surface. She held her breath for a second and turned her head, again feeling the hard pounding in her chest. Only when she calmed down she could look at the plate again and read the name. _Charles Pressly_. Her fingers clenched around the dog tag. The Navigator's face appeared in her mind when she closed her eyes. Pressly had been one of her most trusted men and she really missed him.

Suddenly she felt like she was about a thousand years old. She placed her hand on a knee to help herself stand up. She attached the dog tag to her belt and sighed heavily. Again she looked around and saw something that made her smile. There was something big in the mist and she really didn't have to go any closer to know what it was. There it was, the powerful cannon which she had used to shoot thousands of geths. She slowly approached the almost untouched Mako and couldn't help but laugh quietly. She patted the machine's frame tenderly. Oh how she missed those crazy rides! After she had discovered how much pleasure she could gain only by driving, no one else had been allowed to even touch the steering wheel. She was aware that she was driving like a maniac. Even Garrus, the tough guy, had told her once that he'd never ever again sit next to her in this damn machine. But she just couldn't force herself to drive more calmly. Her body and mind both needed the high amount of adrenaline and those rides were a great substitute for killing Geth.

Shepard turned on her omnitool and quickly scanned the Mako. Her eyes grew wide when she saw the results. She glanced suspiciously at the vehicle. After a moment she took another scan and again she couldn't believe her eyes. She had always been sure that the Mako was indestructible – especially after everything that had happened to it during her trips – but the results were clear. The M35 Mako was not able to travel even one mile. That made her sad. For a second she hoped that she could take the vehicle back to the Normandy and later invite Miranda for a small ride. She was really curious how long Lawson would be able to stand Shepard's driving style before starting a giant argument. She could bet that Miranda would say something about not giving her back her life just to see how Shepard was killing herself in a crash.

* * *

She carefully analysed every single reading. The sensors installed in Shepard's armour didn't show any anomalies for a long time. It seemed that the Commander had already calmed down and was able to look at the wreck without such strong emotions as earlier. It had been already two hours since Shepard had put her foot on the planet's surface. Although nothing suspiciously had happened, Miranda was still worried. She had this unpleasant feeling that something was wrong, but she didn't know what exactly. What's more, this feeling was still growing.

She was checking another report from the armour's sensors, when the Normandy's radar lost the signal for a split second. Miranda frowned. The reports still didn't show any anomalies; it looked like there was no life on that planet. However, it didn't change the fact that the signal had disappeared for a split of a second, which was more than alarming. Miranda held her breath for a moment when the radar lost the signal again.

"Shepard, do you read me?" she asked quickly, feeling more anxious.

_"Yeah, course,"_ the Commander answered immediately. _"Why wouldn't I he..."_

The next words were jammed by the quiet, uniform buzz which appeared out of nowhere. At the same time the graph on the screen changed into a straight line and the scanning system reported a malfunction.

"Shepard?" The only answer she got was an uninterrupted buzz. "Shepard!" she shouted into the microphone with her heart pounding furiously in her chest.

Again there was no answer. Miranda jumped out of the chair.

"Joker, land," she ordered. The Flight Lieutenant opened his mouth to object, but Miranda's one furious look was enough to quiet him. "I said _land_," she muttered out.

She stormed out of the cockpit, not looking back, and rushed towards the armoury to grab her reliable heavy pistol, trying to ignore the growing fear.

* * *

"Miranda?"

Shepard frowned. She activated her omni-tool to change the channel, but the odd buzz was still there. Every single frequency she checked was interfered. She felt anxiety. Trying to keep calm she looked around, but there was nothing suspicious in sight. She turned the scanner in her omni-tool on, but to her surprise the reports showed only interference. To be honest it wasn't completely unexpected. After all, there was that famous Shepard's _luck_. If there was anything that could go wrong, it would. It was becoming annoying.

With a sigh she took out her submachine gun. Carefully looking around she moved back towards the shuttle. She regretted that she was alone. It was much more difficult to observe the whole area and if there was any enemy, he could easily go around her and catch her off guard. However, the blizzard was limiting the sight and the enemy would have to come really close to see her. It also meant that she wouldn't notice any danger before it was too late.

The decision was simple. Shepard turned on her heel and rushed towards the shuttle. When she was about five metres from the shuttle she heard a weird noise. The falling snow was muffling any sounds, but the noise was somehow similar to a swish. Shepard stopped and raised her head. Her heart stopped beating for a second as she saw a huge missile, alarmingly similar to an ammo used in a rocket launcher.

The time slowed down when she was hit by the realization that _indeed_ it was a rocker missile and it was heading exactly at the same place she was. Without second thought she turned on her heel and sprinted back, desperately trying to get as far from the danger as possible. She had a feeling that she was not moving at all. Shepard was not willing to give up. She had already died once and it wasn't something she wanted to go through again. Her heart was pounding hard, as if it wanted to break her ribs and free itself; her lungs were on fire, every single muscle hurt, but she didn't stop; she forced her own body to move faster. A deafening boom blasted out behind her. She was able to take one more step before she was hit by a powerful shock wave that sent her flying. Time slowed even more as the ground covered with snow was coming closer and closer. Shepard waved her hands, but she was not a bird. She didn't know if this was a death that she'd meet after the hard landing or whether she would somehow manage to survive. Surprisingly, it really didn't matter. Her mind was completely clear; except the one small thought that appeared a second before she hit the ground. One, simple thought.

_Miranda's gonna kill me..._

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_A/N: Yup, I am mean... Hope you liked the chapter ;)_


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